Relationship Negotiations & Finding Balance

relationship-negotiations

Initially, this was going to be a post about the details of how we changed our schedule, but it turned out to be a bigger topic than that, so bare with me as I take you through it.

When Ean was 4 months old, Ana went back to work. Since then and up to recently, this had been our schedule.

06-07: Ean wakes up and I take him out for a walk.
**09:He sleeps.
10-12: He wakes up.
13: Ana picks him up at the gym and I go to have my workout.
**15: He sleeps.
16-17: He wakes up.
18: Ana comes home.

Due to his long naps, I still managed to get work done from home but it put me in house arrest for the most part of the day and because I had to wake up so early, my days became very long, stressful. By the time Ana got home I had little or no energy left to be a decent human being for her or myself.

This arrangement had been gnawing on me for a long time over the past year and lately I was feeling overwhelmed and “on the edge”. I was moody and grumpy, couldn’t get any house improvements done because either Ean was sleeping or I was doing stuff with him. All I could do was wash and clean and quite frankly I was sick of it. As I’m writing this, my TV still hasn’t been mounted to the wall! (by the end of this day, it will!)

These issues can be what drags relationships down into the gutter. You don’t see a way out, there is no change or improvement and even though I told Ana several times that I was getting worse and something had to change, neither one of us had a good solution to how to fix it. Last week I had enough and I snapped. Continue reading

That One Thing I’ve Been Waiting For

family-1-yearEver since we started getting ready for the birth of Ean, I always knew or assumed that Ana and he would have a special bond. After all, she is his creator and the first “thing” he’s known in this world. I just assumed that over the first couple of months, and including hearing my voice and presence while he was still in the belly, he would gradually get closer to me.

After 4 months, when Ana went back to work and I took on the roll of stay at home dad, he was still all about mama. I thought for sure, now that he would be with me for the majority of the time, we would finally bond. It didn’t happen as he was constantly waiting for her to appear. When he finally got his mom-time for his daily boob lunch and when she finally came home after work he was over the moon, and I was over the hill. Happy about being a father, but exhausted from always being basically invisible for him when his mother was around… it slowly started gnawing on me and my confidence as a father.

There were many days where I would quickly pass him onto her as soon as soon she came home from work and I’d go into another room just to be alone and gather myself for a moment. At the time I didn’t know exactly why. I guess I thought I was just an exhausted parent, taking a moment for myself before returning into the living room with them because, after all, I missed being with them, all three of us together as a family. Continue reading