Haircutting Turns To Shit

Processed with MOLDIVI’m usually on top of things when it comes to Ean. I’m fun, creative, attentive and can read both him and situations very well to assess and anticipate needs, progress, risks and dangers. But, then there are days like today.

I’ve been wanting to cut his hair for quite some time now. After we got back from Sweden and smashed straight into Malta’s 30 degrees summer, his head was both getting hot and sweaty quickly. So today, with very little on the schedule, I decided to go for it and at the same time give myself a trim.

We had been swimming this morning and any parent with aqua kids will tell you that swimming completely depletes them. It also makes them hungry, so right after the swim, he ate about 4 times more than he usually does in the morning.

One of the first things you learn as a parent is, only do things that your kid normally doesn’t like when they’re well rested and fed. We were about 45 minutes away from his nap and considering he had eaten, he should be okay. I thought I’d be able to get in and out of his birds nest in a few minutes, but nope. He started crying and itching, scratching, spitting, huffing and puffing all over, so with only the sides and back of the neck sorted, I gave up, showered him and put him to bed.

After his nap he was hungry again so after boob time with mommy he had some lunch with us. We said bye to mommy and I thought now’s the perfect time to continue the hair cutting.

This time there was less fuss, more fuzz cutting and 10 minutes later I was finished with him. Now it was my turn, so I put him in the bath tub, put on some music as a distraction, gave him some tub toys and started trimming my head and beard. (Funny story, I’ve been making music and uploading songs to youtube for well over 10 years, yet somehow my two most watched videos are one of my cat peeing on the toilet, and me shaving my head while lip syncing to “Fresh and clean”, what?!)

All of a sudden Ean started complaining and I turned around and noticed something floating in the tub that wasn’t one of his tub toys. Oh, and it was brown. And there were two. Holy shit! With a half shaved situation on my head I dropped everything and got him into the shower and took care of the tub.

Then I cleaned my hands and got back to trimming while Ean was in the shower. A few minutes later he started complaining again and to my surprise, another pile of crap, right in the shower! Remember when I said he ate 4 times his normal portions today? Yeah no shit, I’m not used to that, so didn’t anticipate the second surprise! I gave him a lengthy caveman speech about how to signal bathroom needs and that poop goes into the toilet and nowhere else. It went somewhere along the lines of “Ean. Say. Papa, caca. Papa, caca. Caca, toilet. Caca, shower, no. Shower, no!

Okay, shit happens. I finished my trim and got into the shower with Ean, lathered him up all over and noticed a bad smell and small crumbs. Of course! There was a bit of poop left on his butt and I had just smeared it and the shower gel halfway over him. Rinse! RINSE! Forever unclean! We tried again from the start. Lather, rub, rinse, done and then it was my turn. I was exhausted at this point but enjoyed my nice shower, until I see YET ANOTHER little brown gift.

By the time we were done with all of this, our hands looked like raisins and I think more than an hour and a half had passed. At least we were fresh and clean and ready for the world! Usually I’m on point with almost everything (except for the things I keep forgetting at the beach) but boy, when it rains, it pours and when it does there’s nothing else to do but to take a deep breath and admit you’re having a shitty day, literally. :D

Hang in there parents!